The Middle School Motto, Child Development and Raising Boys
I saw an article on the internet (MSN, Huffington Post, etc.) that criticized, and then began a discussion about, the way in which we can teach manners to children – especially adolescents. I’d like to say that, of course, there is no ONE WAY to raise a child but using strong, grounded research can certainly give us a compass direction and then we can modify a little but, straying from the path too far can be hazardous.
The “sexist, misogynistic” message put up as a reminder of what some commenters called, manners,” for middle schoolers at a school in Texas has people discussing the importance and responsibility schools have to convey a message to their students. I will use the television station reporting the controversy locally as my point of reference (KSAT.com).
https://www.ksat.com/news/sexist-misogynistic-quote-at-texas-middle-school-is-taken-down
“The more you act like a lady, the more he’ll act like a gentleman.”
I’m not sure who put the saying up on the wall but I can tell you from my own experience, as a school teacher for 7 years and in education for twenty, that decisions like this rarely just happen in public schools. So in the making of this decision, the words, meaning and interpretation of this statement must have been considered. What I think wasn’t discussed was the source of the quote. The person who is credited with having coined this phrase is Sydney Biddle Barrows, otherwise known as The “Mayflower Madam, the owner of an infamous escort company. When one is deciding on the influences in children’s lives, the source ought to be considered.
Anyway, so the source wasn’t considered but I am uncertain whether some of the possible interpretations of the quote were discussed. That’s disheartening but telling about the chauvinistic culture that we are in and the state of what we think of our young boys and men. The sense that they aren’t strong enough to have character and are easily misled in to evil, misogynistic deeds by temptresses and vixens is disappointing. Even more surprising is that we vilify cultures where women are required to be completely covered because showing skin would tempt men and then their sexual assault or the violence acted upon the women would be justified. The idea that a woman should be to blame for the behaviors of a man is ludicrous. A young man ought to learn how to be “gentlemanly” and by that I mean have manners and treat people with respect without the pressure of that education being laid at the feet of young girls.
So, let’s go over what psychology tells us about gender roles and education. Erikson (1959) tells us that there are crises in human psychosocial development that come together and culminate in the adults that we end up being and the way we end our lives. There are a few that occur before adolescence and I will give you the quick 1-2-3. Children in infancy develop trust in caregivers, autonomy to take and exercise control of yourself because you trust that your caregivers will always be there for you and initiative because you try new things-on your own-because you trust your caregivers will be there for you. Following those early stages, one then DOES things – they develop industry and finally when they have tried things, been given support and try all sorts of things, they can develop a sense of identity – who they are and who they aren’t. This brings us to this quote and the timing of the message.
Children in middle school are about 11-15 years old – the key age in the crisis of identity versus role confusion. But the development starts long before this crisis. If children feel supported, they take control of their lives. When they do that they take risks and learn about themselves and then they DO things – new things and so forth. Then this crisis occurs and it can be resolved positively with an individual developing a strong identity as whatever personality, or personalities, that they decide. After the resolution of that crisis, the individual begins to form intimate relationships or they fall into isolation. “Intimate” and “isolation” mean physically and psychologically. One can be in relationships all the time and not be intimate while someone can live in psychological isolation but be very sexually active so when someone constructs an understanding of the role(s) they are to play, it is important that the role be a healthy one, resulting in someone who knows who they are and can build on relationships through increased sharing of backgrounds, thoughts, positions and so forth along a shared, positive path.
When influential, and in this case, environmental, stimulus slips subtly into the minds of adolescents, they may not even know they are being influenced by this message but they are and it may come out in the role expectations they have for themselves and others. I say subtly because I don’t know if the quote was featured or if it was just one of those messages hanging in the background of every middle and high school in the country. Ultimately, parents and caregivers were instilling manners a long time before they arrive in middle school – or they didn’t. Regardless, sending this type of message:
1) diminishes the nature of boys,
2) elevates and distorts the effect girls have on boys,
3) has very little respect for, or recognition of, the lessons that parents teach,
4) ignores the theories of adolescent development and finally,
5) is tone deaf to the sound of empowerment and personal responsibility ringing
through the United States.
One more point though, the dissonance in messages between what people are saying about the personal responsibility men should be taking for the victimization of women in many industries and the freedom of women to behave as they wish without fear of victimization comes from messages like this posted in what is supposed to be a safe place for learning.
It isn’t clear to me how we can divert from a common sense position of women not being responsible for the behavior of men? Men are responsible for their behavior, as are women. A couple suggestions might include de-sexualizing women. They aren’t the nexus of sexuality and their existence isn’t meant for men’s every whim. Secondly, men are not slaves to their penises. We can make choices that are healthy and positive for everyone and that includes not jumping on everything in a short skirt.
In closing, Erikson could use the quote posted by the school administration to exemplify the influence that environment has on young people and it would be nice if educators understood child development or social psychological theories that can help them make better choices when it comes to all aspects of education and the learning environment.
I saw an article on the internet (MSN, Huffington Post, etc.) that criticized, and then began a discussion about, the way in which we can teach manners to children – especially adolescents. I’d like to say that, of course, there is no ONE WAY to raise a child but using strong, grounded research can certainly give us a compass direction and then we can modify a little but, straying from the path too far can be hazardous.
The “sexist, misogynistic” message put up as a reminder of what some commenters called, manners,” for middle schoolers at a school in Texas has people discussing the importance and responsibility schools have to convey a message to their students. I will use the television station reporting the controversy locally as my point of reference (KSAT.com).
https://www.ksat.com/news/sexist-misogynistic-quote-at-texas-middle-school-is-taken-down
“The more you act like a lady, the more he’ll act like a gentleman.”
I’m not sure who put the saying up on the wall but I can tell you from my own experience, as a school teacher for 7 years and in education for twenty, that decisions like this rarely just happen in public schools. So in the making of this decision, the words, meaning and interpretation of this statement must have been considered. What I think wasn’t discussed was the source of the quote. The person who is credited with having coined this phrase is Sydney Biddle Barrows, otherwise known as The “Mayflower Madam, the owner of an infamous escort company. When one is deciding on the influences in children’s lives, the source ought to be considered.
Anyway, so the source wasn’t considered but I am uncertain whether some of the possible interpretations of the quote were discussed. That’s disheartening but telling about the chauvinistic culture that we are in and the state of what we think of our young boys and men. The sense that they aren’t strong enough to have character and are easily misled in to evil, misogynistic deeds by temptresses and vixens is disappointing. Even more surprising is that we vilify cultures where women are required to be completely covered because showing skin would tempt men and then their sexual assault or the violence acted upon the women would be justified. The idea that a woman should be to blame for the behaviors of a man is ludicrous. A young man ought to learn how to be “gentlemanly” and by that I mean have manners and treat people with respect without the pressure of that education being laid at the feet of young girls.
So, let’s go over what psychology tells us about gender roles and education. Erikson (1959) tells us that there are crises in human psychosocial development that come together and culminate in the adults that we end up being and the way we end our lives. There are a few that occur before adolescence and I will give you the quick 1-2-3. Children in infancy develop trust in caregivers, autonomy to take and exercise control of yourself because you trust that your caregivers will always be there for you and initiative because you try new things-on your own-because you trust your caregivers will be there for you. Following those early stages, one then DOES things – they develop industry and finally when they have tried things, been given support and try all sorts of things, they can develop a sense of identity – who they are and who they aren’t. This brings us to this quote and the timing of the message.
Children in middle school are about 11-15 years old – the key age in the crisis of identity versus role confusion. But the development starts long before this crisis. If children feel supported, they take control of their lives. When they do that they take risks and learn about themselves and then they DO things – new things and so forth. Then this crisis occurs and it can be resolved positively with an individual developing a strong identity as whatever personality, or personalities, that they decide. After the resolution of that crisis, the individual begins to form intimate relationships or they fall into isolation. “Intimate” and “isolation” mean physically and psychologically. One can be in relationships all the time and not be intimate while someone can live in psychological isolation but be very sexually active so when someone constructs an understanding of the role(s) they are to play, it is important that the role be a healthy one, resulting in someone who knows who they are and can build on relationships through increased sharing of backgrounds, thoughts, positions and so forth along a shared, positive path.
When influential, and in this case, environmental, stimulus slips subtly into the minds of adolescents, they may not even know they are being influenced by this message but they are and it may come out in the role expectations they have for themselves and others. I say subtly because I don’t know if the quote was featured or if it was just one of those messages hanging in the background of every middle and high school in the country. Ultimately, parents and caregivers were instilling manners a long time before they arrive in middle school – or they didn’t. Regardless, sending this type of message:
1) diminishes the nature of boys,
2) elevates and distorts the effect girls have on boys,
3) has very little respect for, or recognition of, the lessons that parents teach,
4) ignores the theories of adolescent development and finally,
5) is tone deaf to the sound of empowerment and personal responsibility ringing
through the United States.
One more point though, the dissonance in messages between what people are saying about the personal responsibility men should be taking for the victimization of women in many industries and the freedom of women to behave as they wish without fear of victimization comes from messages like this posted in what is supposed to be a safe place for learning.
It isn’t clear to me how we can divert from a common sense position of women not being responsible for the behavior of men? Men are responsible for their behavior, as are women. A couple suggestions might include de-sexualizing women. They aren’t the nexus of sexuality and their existence isn’t meant for men’s every whim. Secondly, men are not slaves to their penises. We can make choices that are healthy and positive for everyone and that includes not jumping on everything in a short skirt.
In closing, Erikson could use the quote posted by the school administration to exemplify the influence that environment has on young people and it would be nice if educators understood child development or social psychological theories that can help them make better choices when it comes to all aspects of education and the learning environment.